Is is futile?

Is it futile?

Life that is....

I was driving the soccer mom mini van home from the post office today, thinking: WHY?

Why am I here? Alive? What do I have to motivate me? What fun game?

Yes, my kids. I need to be here for them. And dinner, it needs to be ready in a few hours, and yes I did pick up toilet paper (mass quantities) at Sam's club today...

But for me? What.

There have been times in my life when the shear beauty of life itself was reason enough. Or the trees talking to me when I rode my bike in the country. Or when in love.

I need some more interaction in my life. Someone playing back. An enemy maybe. I'm not in a position to be in love at the moment. I am married.

Yes, its nice, and yes I do love them, deeply. But....dynamic purpose....excitement about being alive...maybe its the weather, gray skies...